flight of death

I am having a very bad week. Everything is falling apart and there’s nothing I can do apart it – forces external from myself are controlling or causing these situations and everything is becoming screwed up. Things that are meant to be certain (and have been that way for 7 months!) are being blown into space and there’s nothing I can do. It’s so frustrating. I can’t help but worry now and I have no idea what school is going to be like for the next two years. If I’m forced into subjects I don’t want to do this is going to affect my performance adversely and this could ruin my dreams and ambitions. If I don’t get 4 As at AS Level and 3 As at A2 how am I going to ever get into Oxford? It’s simple. I won’t. I won’t get an Oxford Law degree and I won’t get a job of my dreams (which is a whole new problem as I have no idea what I want to do). I don’t even know that I’ll have both parents to see me through this. I hate my life so much. IT’S SO FUCKING UNFAIR. I GOT THE BEST FUCKING GRADES IN MY YEAR AND I WORKED SO HARD AND I ALWAYS HAVE AND I’M POLITE AND KIND AND GOOD TO PEOPLE AT SCHOOL AND IN LIFE AND I GET DEALT THE SHITTEST CARDS. I’m so unhappy. There’s no other word to use to describe it. I’m devoid of happiness. I have two lessons with one of my best friends and none with the other two. I’m not even doing lessons I want to. I’m not even sure what one of them will be. I’ve worked so hard for nothing. Why is this happening to me? Why now? I don’t need this on top of the other major issue I’m having to deal with at home.

It’s just not fair. I’m a good person who works hard. I hate my life.